...It's nice to see you be present - I am refreshed and relieved. I'm entertained by the rants, but less and less so - because over time I've been realizing that I have been miles away from hearing anything but whispers from your actual internal space; even those are buried deep beneath piles of bright red rocks. I had come to the conclusion that LJ was just not where you were sacrificing your lambs.
Meanwhile, welcome to it. You now know the reason I work in EMS. I refuse to be here and be worthless, or not contribute, or not be valued and cherished by my society. I will not be forgotton, I will not sell product, I will not be forgotton. When I die, people will say 'thank got for that person, they saved my life, or tried to save my husband, or treated my illness, or walked in when nobody else would'. Thousands of people already remember me, and even more will as my career continues. When I am a paramedic, they will not only remember my role, and my face, but often even my name; I will not dissapear.
This is the closest I can come to writing my name in the stars; I write my name in people's lives. How people can live day to day knowing they do any less is beyond me; my brother-in-law, for example, manages software for a company that maintains hotel location websites. I mean, really - if he died tonight, (God forbid) what will his life have been worth? Sure, friends and family will remember him, but will he have mattered in the least to other people? Will he be grieved becuse he made any difference, will anyone owe him their life, remember his name from the newspaper articles, remember his face because it was seared into their mind?
Absolutely not. Granted, everyday lives have a certain value, but that's not how I want mine to be measured; in paychecks, folded laundry, an inclination to shower daily, prompt payment of the fucking rent. They will say 'he was kind, he was confident, he was funny...' but nobody will be able to say 'he saved me, he fought like a lion for my rights, he protected my dignity, he saved my daughter's life'.
In a sense, I have begun forgetting him already. I ask more of those around me. I ask them to make a difference - or be quiet. Quite frankly, I don't see any other reason to exist, unless one has children, gifted with remarkable talent, or is addicted to drugs.
no subject
Meanwhile, welcome to it. You now know the reason I work in EMS. I refuse to be here and be worthless, or not contribute, or not be valued and cherished by my society. I will not be forgotton, I will not sell product, I will not be forgotton. When I die, people will say 'thank got for that person, they saved my life, or tried to save my husband, or treated my illness, or walked in when nobody else would'. Thousands of people already remember me, and even more will as my career continues. When I am a paramedic, they will not only remember my role, and my face, but often even my name; I will not dissapear.
This is the closest I can come to writing my name in the stars; I write my name in people's lives. How people can live day to day knowing they do any less is beyond me; my brother-in-law, for example, manages software for a company that maintains hotel location websites. I mean, really - if he died tonight, (God forbid) what will his life have been worth? Sure, friends and family will remember him, but will he have mattered in the least to other people? Will he be grieved becuse he made any difference, will anyone owe him their life, remember his name from the newspaper articles, remember his face because it was seared into their mind?
Absolutely not. Granted, everyday lives have a certain value, but that's not how I want mine to be measured; in paychecks, folded laundry, an inclination to shower daily, prompt payment of the fucking rent. They will say 'he was kind, he was confident, he was funny...' but nobody will be able to say 'he saved me, he fought like a lion for my rights, he protected my dignity, he saved my daughter's life'.
In a sense, I have begun forgetting him already. I ask more of those around me. I ask them to make a difference - or be quiet.
Quite frankly, I don't see any other reason to exist, unless one has children, gifted with remarkable talent, or is addicted to drugs.