(no subject)

Ganked from nematoddity:

What kind of God are you?
Name
DOB
Favourite Color
You earthly time was spent	Feeding millions with a few hot dog scraps
Your throne is	A towering onyx chair, reflecting perpetual moonlight, adorned with the skulls of the vanquished
You wear	Nothing, because you don't have a body, you insubstantial beast, you
Your Godly superpower is	Unresistable charm and sensuality, drawing lovers, friends and enemies into your orgasmic grasp
This cool quiz by pelagicboreas - Taken 11905 Times.

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Hot dog scraps and orgasms for everyone! Yay!

ETA: I like how, looking at this again, I see three mutual incompatibilities and one semi-incompatibility. I am the god of incompatibility!

Becoming more nearly ourselves

It's time to start stepping outside the shell. My belief for the last year has been that if I make decision A, that automatically and eternally precludes decision B. This may or may not be accurate information, but the point is to not think that it is a de facto absolute. Instead, the point should be to try to get the most of everything, rather than settling for nothing.

Because I have been afraid to make any decisions, I'm living in a place and a way that I don't like, with my life in idle, waiting for someone to force a choice on me, which I can then fight against, rather than reaching a conclusion as to whether or not it's a good choice and one that I should take. I don't make choices any more. Instead I'm presented with absolutes.

Time to start making decisions and stop being presented with things that have already been accomplished. "If X" does not mean "then not Y." It simply means "how will Y be accomplished at this time?"

If there's only one shot - and yes, there is, in my opinion; I don't believe in reincarnation or eternal souls or even giant glowing bubbles of gas - then the trick is to have it all.

"I've often thought about that old man, about how chance words can touch peoples' lives in ways that are impossible to predict. Bend the world, he said, don't accept having less than you want, and blow a hole in anything that blocks your way. Armed with that notion, many people could have gone on to carve themselves a life that culminated in something approaching peace. It was good advice, and well meant.

I was just the wrong person to give it to."
- Michael Marshall Smith, Spares

Time to start bending the world, time to start clearing away the detritus.

I'm strangely comfortable with the idea. I'm just not sure if the total sense of emptiness I feel at stating the need and desire for change is due to being sort of sick at work, or the sign that this is another Well-Meant Self Improvement Get A Life Moron Project, or if it's the sort of sense of total emptiness before change is possible.

Or it could be because I'm just spewing crap. I am a sick, twisted little ego monster, full of hate and fear, and I don't know what it looks like outside any more.

(no subject)

BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! THE COMPANY IS MINE!! MINE I TELL YOU!! MINE!!

It's sort of creepy being the last person here on a Friday...I think everyone else is gone...I think that creaking noise is probably a murderer...I think ethics be damned, I'm goin home at half five...before the crazy murderer eats me alive...

ALL MINE!! I AM ALL POWERFUL!!!

And sort of scared too.

(no subject)

I want to scream really quite badly now.

Need to decide if I find it ethical to point out that the car is his, the preventative maintenance on it is his, and the alternator going out is in the category of preventative maintenance, or if I want to suck it up and be a Good Girl and be aware that this year, like all years, has been a bad year financially for my father.

Of course, since sucking it up will cost me somewhere between 325 and 400 dollars, I'm not eager to do that. For some strange reason.

But I have to resolve this in a way other than getting angry (since I either start to cry or else become evil and vicious and scary) and in a way other than simply letting my dad come to the realisation - as he inevitably will - that it's not my car and therefore not my responsibility to pay his preventative maintenance and wait for him to hand me the check for the full amount, including hotel room.

When I was in college, part of my tuition was paid by my father as part of the child support agreement between my parents. I never want to have one of those big productions where he "casually" mentions that he's cashed in part of his 401K to pay what he owes, rather than saving the money over a period of months (for some reason my mother paid all of one quarter, with the understanding that my dad would pay all of the next, and he didn't save for that.)

I never, ever want to have another discussion about the state of his line of credit, MY line of credit (and how he found that out, I have no idea, since it was via my insurance agent and anyway, it's maxed out NOW) his Visa bill on the account that my mother was on until she divorced him to get off of that (it wasn't the fighting that killed my parents' marriage, it was the money!), or, indeed, anything else relating to the subjects of my dad, and his money.

It's obligations again.

I need to talk to my mother. And I definitely need to get my own car. Wonder if that BMW is still available.

(no subject)

Also, I'm turning into a rules nazi - by which I mean if I see another copy of that post from Astarian Jewel on the "text based Harry Potter game thats free and simple and eats up time when you have nothing to do. :) You don't have to like Harry Potter or know anything about it to really like the game, its just a good little RPG/MUD game", then I will turn into The Hulk and start *smashing* things.

I mean, I've only seen that one three times today. Don't think I've seen your stupidass text advert FOR YOUR OWN GAME, you IDIOT, enough times.

This is making the random commenters at Durmstrang Institute look smart, and they've been reported as spammers.