channonyarrow

I've been having this craving for chocolate lately, which is actually kind of a nice way of saying "For about the last 32.6 years, I've wanted chocolate," and there was, in an appalling lapse, none in the house. So when I went to the drugstore today to pick up a scrip, I accidentally found out that the Easter candy is in. I also found out, less accidentally, that the Valentine's candy is on sale.

I have now committed great crimes against humanity and have two things to report.
1) Circus peanuts in a different colour and shape still taste so shockingly bad that I cannot believe I just ate that and must confirm that I did immediately, by having another.
2) Eating most of a box of chocolate in approximately 2 seconds means that I will feel like almighty death. Also, I still find maple chocolates need to be warned for, as they are gross.

So there you go.

Fortunately, tea came to the rescue, and I feel much less like I want to throw up, but probably moving isn't really a great idea right now, unless I would like to throw up. As I've never been bulimic, I'll pass.

This is only bad because I went to the grocery store and my milk is sitting out, getting to a happy room temperature, because obviously that's ideal for milk. If it comes down to it, I'll take somewhat warmer milk for the foreseeable future over vomiting over my favourite outfit, but I have to admit, it's a close one there.

I need to get off my ass and order my official transcripts, since I'm apparently registering for classes next Weds, despite having no idea how the fuck I'm paying for this, though the phrase "work study" has happened in my hearing, and that's fine with me. I have no aversion to working, I just am having trouble convincing anyone that me working is not a bad plan.

The dude in charge of my program NEEDS to quit arguing with me about whether I have any math credits; I'm just going to let him read that and weep, because NO, I have NO quantitative credits whatsoever, and by the way, IF the state law applies now, it didn't THEN. Part of the joy of Evergreen was that there WAS NO MATH REQUIREMENT. Right now, I have set this on "incipient comedy" when he realises that I'm telling the truth, not only do I have no math classes at ALL in my, um, six years of extremely-higher education, I don't even get to roll over any IB credits from high school because I FAILED my IB Calculus test, and I failed it in such a way that probably I actually knew what I was doing. This is how bad I am at ANYTHING involving geometry. I can find X all week long, but I cannot do geometry at ALL.

I suppose I'm excited about this. I mean, I want to do the course, and I know that it's not going to happen, largely because I'm unsuited to online learning in any event (I am so not a self-starter) and because most of these courses are not available online, if I'm not full time in school. I'm just nervous about figuring out how the fuck to pay for it and live at the same time; my unemployment benefits do run out in June (or possibly October, depending on the stimulus package) and I don't, right now, really want to start this and be unable to finish it. I would love, actually, to have a flexible job where I could work, say, three days a week and go to school two or three days, though I have a feeling that would have me building webpages in my sleep and living on coffee. On the other hand, I'm bored out of my fucking skull right now but not motivated to do much to rectify that, so I can put up with a couple years of too-busy-to-shit, really.

Also, a meme. I want to do this, but I am LAUGHABLY bad at sending anything out in a timely fashion AT ALL, so.

The first five people to post here will get something made by me. It might be a photo, short story, whatever. You don't get to choose, however. You will get it some time in the next year. You have to post this in your journal and do likewise.

I may have actually injured myself laughing when I was listening to The Phrase That Pays (Nashville Version). Some things just should not be. Other things still shouldn't be, but have the redeeming quality of giving me something to laugh about.

Exciting news! I have ring around the tub, or the collar, or whatever the fuck it is that says that I'm a shitty hausfrau and should turn in my vag for a monster truck right now! I'm gonna run away and join NASCAR!

I'm rather annoyed that my landlady won't let me pour sulfuric acid down the drain, actually. That would solve the problem, believe me.

Of course, even I know it would make more problems if any of the pipes, oh, all the way out to the street were plastic, and No One Knows because apparently No One But Me thinks it might be a good idea - for moments exactly like this! - to read architectural drawings when you buy a property, so. BUT STILL. SULFURIC ACID WORKS FOR SATAN. IT SOLVES EVERYTHING. INCLUDING GOD.

I fucking hate cleaning the tub. It always looks like the process would be better achieved by taking a flamethrower to the whole thing and gently singeing off the top layer of laminate. That would also solve that pesky grout problem, though admittedly, since my stress relief of choice is to attack the grout with a toothbrush, the grout is not as bad as it could be.

It got real beautiful while I was editing The Book From Hell.

I still want to run away and join NASCAR, though. I need to find a rally race group around here.

Yeah, because what I REALLY need is a pair of silver knee-high platform boots that will make me six foot nine.

Obviously, I bid on them. Apparently, 2009 will be the year of trying to make people think I REALLY AM a drag queen.

Also: things I have learned in the last five minutes. If I ever need a place to spend $1200 on ugly-ass Gucci shoes (seriously, fringe went out in the eighties, and I may have legwarmers and dayglo clothing, but leather fringe I am not bringing back!) eBay can help me. If I ever have a need for stiletto heels that have a sheathe for a whip built in, eBay can help me. If I ever need a stiletto heel of any kind, such as murder or looking like a hooker, eBay would like to be my special friend. Stilettos only look awesome on those who can walk in them, and that number does not include me in it.

If I ever need any sort of sexy-Christmas-boot, eBay wants to give me a call.

I totally know where Posh buys her shoes. SERIOUSLY.

Okay, so this time I really mean it. I will not use the internet for evil; I will not translate that evil into real-life evil.

I will not exploit weaknesses in the system for personal gain - this time. I will not even point out that people are idiots and allow me to exploit weaknesses in the system for personal gain.

I will not be evil, no matter how very, very tempting (and easy!) it would be. I do not want to be arrested. I do not want to be arrested in questionable circumstances that might mean civil time, but might also mean Homeland Security time. I only want to be arrested if I am absolutely certain the nature of the crime I am committing.

I really need to get a job. Idle hands and all that.

PS: Dear Seatac,

I ♥ you lots. You're kind of shitty, but I still ♥ you.

Love,
Me

Cartoon Network just rickrolled the Macy's Parade. How is this real? HOW IS THIS REAL?

NOTHING THIS AWESOME IS REAL.

The best thing about today has been the emomental. It's an elemental, made of emo. It'll be in the 4e supplement "Emo Like A Feather Boa".

I am increasingly convinced that the fact that Excedrin Migraine stops my migraines means only that I have them building up more often. Since I started taking the stuff (which is the only medication, previously only available by prescription) that has ever worked for me, I have had migraines more often than at any time other than when I had the pseudo tumour. And that was basically a month-long migraine. Which was SO FUN.

...on the other hand, I still haven't had my eye checked out. Rereading this, I need to make an appointment to do that, like, NOW.

*zomgs*

This is one of those moments when I feel intensely stupid. HI I HAVE A SYMPTOM THAT I AM IGNORING BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY IT'S LIKELY SOMETHING TOTALLY UNRELATED.

Fuck. So I guess today is "have other appointment", "make new appointment," "do other shit" day.

It would be wrong and bad for me to try to write something specifically to earn the most ghastly rating I can think of, wouldn't it.

So. Just to make sure that I got some creative new things in this fanfic of mine, I've created a poll.

[Poll #587728]

I am unable to decide which of the warnings below I like better.

Official Warning: The stories contained herein may contain...well, lots of warningy things. These stories may contain such things as erotic murder, premeditated murder, graphic violence, described sexual assault, rape, underage sex, prostitution/soliciting of same, torture, language fit to make your mother bleed from the eyes, gratuitous gore, religious denigration, racism, drug use, complete amorality, traditional dark legends (vampires, werewolves, and the like), and acts described by a number of penal codes and basic observance of the social contract as laid out by John Stuart Mill as illegal and immoral. I will even go beyond that and say that is what I currently know is there. That does not mean it's ALL that will ever be there. My mind is a horrific place of twisted fantasy, kind of like halloween candy with razor blades in, and I will add anything else I can think of to toss in there. If you are opposed to violence, or sensitive to discussion of same, do not read this. (swords_at_dawn userinfo)

Or!

RATING: This post rated NC-17 for: Erotic murder, premeditated murder, graphic violence, described sexual assault, rape, underage sex, prostitution/soliciting of same, torture, language, moderate gore, religious denigration, mild racism (against Muggles) and anything else I can think of to toss in there. There is a particularly gruesome rape/murder in here that is discussed explicitly. If you are opposed to violence, or sensitive to discussion of same, do not read this. A detailed rating from me is a sign you should all know by now. I do not want to hear about it if you decide you don't like what you read. As with all such posts, you do not have to read it. (A post for quiet_thinker)

Um, you can see that one came from the other. But basically, I love warnings. I love warnings even more than I love stories. I'm warm for warnings.

It's not an illness, it's a valid lifestyle choice. Stop judging me; I have medicine. I have bits of paper saying I'm sane. Not everyone has those.