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I can't decide if I'm being genuinely critical or if I just hate everything and it's rubbing off, and combining with previous dislike. I think I'm going with the former, because the structure doesn't fucking work and makes me want to dust off my "This Is What A Story Of Any Length Is" essay that I back-burnered like, fucking ages ago, and then got un-pissed-off and forgot about it and finish it and post it for everyone's edification, and have it on hand to send to authors, and generally sort of rappel around and ninja it into people's faces, right after they say some variation of "Ooh, I'm writing a book, you know."
Seriously, yes. The structure doesn't work. It really, really doesn't work, and you should have more than one reason for telling a story, any story, I don't care if it's flash fiction, fan fiction, published fiction, random scrawling on the wall. I. Do. Not. Care. There must be more than one reason for a story.
And not only do I judge, I'm paid to judge.
So, you know.
In other random news: I now know of two people in the wide, wide world who use "done" where they mean "did", and I don't know how to comment on that, because part of me wants to say, politely, "I've seen that before, and I never asked her, why do you use done like that?" but most of me wants to slam the writer up against the wall, my arm over their throat, and lean real close and hiss "Repeat after me, motherfucker: 'did' is a perfectly valid word. It is the past present tense, singular, second, third, and plural, of 'do'. Why the fuck are you using a past participle like done instead?" And then I will slit the offender's throat and leave their body in a dark alley for the grammar wolves to find.
Or, to put it another way, "The more he done it, the better he got," makes no fucking sense unless your last name is Clampett. "He done this at some point (in the past)" also makes no fucking sense, and probably not even if your last name is Clampett.
And now I have to go done some stuff. It'll be marvy, fab, and far-the-fuck-out.
Seriously, yes. The structure doesn't work. It really, really doesn't work, and you should have more than one reason for telling a story, any story, I don't care if it's flash fiction, fan fiction, published fiction, random scrawling on the wall. I. Do. Not. Care. There must be more than one reason for a story.
And not only do I judge, I'm paid to judge.
So, you know.
In other random news: I now know of two people in the wide, wide world who use "done" where they mean "did", and I don't know how to comment on that, because part of me wants to say, politely, "I've seen that before, and I never asked her, why do you use done like that?" but most of me wants to slam the writer up against the wall, my arm over their throat, and lean real close and hiss "Repeat after me, motherfucker: 'did' is a perfectly valid word. It is the past present tense, singular, second, third, and plural, of 'do'. Why the fuck are you using a past participle like done instead?" And then I will slit the offender's throat and leave their body in a dark alley for the grammar wolves to find.
Or, to put it another way, "The more he done it, the better he got," makes no fucking sense unless your last name is Clampett. "He done this at some point (in the past)" also makes no fucking sense, and probably not even if your last name is Clampett.
And now I have to go done some stuff. It'll be marvy, fab, and far-the-fuck-out.
