channonyarrow: (do evil burning gluing things)
( Aug. 12th, 2009 04:25 pm)
Dear brain,

Shove it.

No love,
The rest of me

*****

Okay, yes, I get that I am not a designer. I get that I have the actual creativity of a lemon drop. I get that I do far, far better copying someone else - I am FAB at that - but cannot possibly create an original idea to save my ass.

I realise, further, that this is why I am having trouble with this class - this is creating out of whole cloth, not drawing what's there or what-the-fuck-ever - and that THAT is why I am going to be two fucking assignments behind in approximately 7.5 hours, and the class is over next week, and each assignment should have 10-20 hours of work evident in them.

I am going to fucking fail. And this is not a class *I* paid for, no, it's one that Washington State paid for, and so not only am I trying to shove a fucking idea out of a creativity spout that is currently not even wide enough for the lead from a pencil, I am having a guilt attack about it. And on top of THAT, I am trying, in theory, to fucking design a logo for something IMPORTANT, and therefore, I'm having a total freakout about THAT.

So I'm too busy freaking out to actually do the work - as I write this, I am getting physically sick from all the freaking out - and that's not helping EITHER.

Fail. Massive, irredeemable fucking fail.

I think I'm just preemptively going to quit school and go live in a fucking box, because obviously that's where I'm going to be if I'm relying on MY design abilities.
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