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Things to do this weekend, a list (for no particular reason):
-4 Days In May, 4:30pm, Egyptian (my last movie of the festival) EXCELLENT movie.
-Finish the book that is making me bleed (seriously). Welcome to Shirley. Also, I have stopped bleeding when I read it, so that's an improvement.
- Clean apt. Find can of Raid. Kill anything that fucking moves.
-- Special emphasis: desk. File those letters, peasant! Move that giant reindeer antler, wench! (Side note: did you know that reindeer antlers are actually very large? My brother sent me one. That, combined with the deer antler that I bought in Lincoln City means that I have 2x the antlers I have ideas for.) Paint that box, serf!
- Decide on the fix to the skirt (options: open the non-seamed CB and put in a seam; open the non-seamed CB and put in a zipper and a seam. In either case, I need to open the CB and take out two inches because I MATH GUD, and re-sewing 18 buttonholes and 18 buttons is NOT AN OPTION.) Perform fix.
- Fix camera. (Actually, get Ed to fix camera. Ed Knows Cameras.)
- Put stupid content into even stupider website. Do not make voodoo dolls of anyone else involved while so doing.
- Try to remember topic for Gelato Challenge. Fail. Decide to write on another topic. Write a blog post on topic by Monday.
-Do the laundry! Do the many yards of loose material laundry that is always fun because it's FUN to wash five yards of things! Do the laundry so you have something to do tomorrow! I could make a ghost joke, but I'm goin' with "I've got nothin."
- Cut out a shirt. Actually, modify the pattern, THEN cut out the shirt. Serging would be nice. Modifying the pattern after cutting out the shirt is less optimal, but definitely an option.
- Cut out a jacket? Confuse the jacket and shirt pieces because they are both white. However, serging them means changing the thread in the serger, and that is worse than invading Poland. You change that shit RARELY.
- Make firm plans to continue life-long pattern of sewing the sleeves in backwards. Make sure to cut out what will turn out to be two left sleeves. (I use fabric that doesn't have a wrong side just so I can fuck this up easily. It's efficient!) Pretend that this time you will cut notches and NOT serge them closed. Cross your fingers while you pretend this, because that is what is going to happen, as the Mayans foretold.
-Find out whether you can bring a sewing machine to a library. Because reasons. Yes! But not till July 1. Suddenly, all cutting-out and serging takes on a lot less urgency, in that sense.
- Get down the features that should exist in Dashboard onto paper. Aim big.
- Get caught up in a recursive evaluation of how many websites I own/want to own/can conveniently steal. Forget, again, to pay the bill on my first website because I am out of care.
-Go to the store! Forget what you like to eat (I have advanced past "forget the list" and now aim much, much higher) and just buy things. They may turn into food under certain circumstances. Make sure to forget the two things you know you need. Forget that actually, there is no such thing as one-stop shopping for you, because there IS NOT a store that carries: 8 nuts, or maybe it was 6 washers or no, I think I had enough of the bolts but a laser sight would be really great, and also where's your non-fiction section except maybe I should get the new Elizabeth Moon instead, and then there's that giant turkey roaster or maybe it's a giant glass baking dish, I don't care as long as it's large and not plastic, and then give me a bag of FÜD, suitable for a week of lunches and possibly also other eating, and it would be great if any part of it went with black beans because oh my god, did I have an Alzheimer's break at some point in the last few years and forget that I already HAD six cans? My sack of FÜD seems like it is pretty much all necessary and relatively healthy, though the marshmallows for the hot chocolate I've been craving may be ridic.
-Try to remember your on-site landlady's name. Pretend that you aren't worried you can't remember it. EMILY. Not Ethel, not Evelyn, not Elsie.
- Contemplate recommended minor surgical procedure. Get totally distracted by remembering Eddie Izzard's sketch about the Heimlich Maneuver. Realise you are going to book an appointment for a maneuver, and that every day brings exciting new ways to fail.
-Go to meetup! Hope that you will be able to sew there. Did I mention that June 10 =/= July 1? It doesn't, apparently!
- Family dinner! Remember that you meant to watch Deathly Hallows part 2 or part II or part deux or whatever the fuck it is; do this with 20 minutes to go. Remember that you can't bend time. Nor can you bend spoons. Unless it's to hit people who use the word "sammie" seriously.
- IIIIIIIT'S PHOTOSHOOT TIME! Wrangle two models, one who doesn't want to be there and one who is sulking until allowed into the shot; spend ten minutes taking many pictures and remind yourself (AGAIN) that learning how to take pictures might be a better approach than just taking a lot and hoping for the best. Remember that this picture will be so small it doesn't matter, but take the damn thing anyway.
- Debate between going to the Avengers at 10pm on a work night and going home and watching The Dark Knight: The Good Parts, By Which I Mean When Something Blows Up And Also The Bank Robbery Because Honestly, SO COOL Version. Ultimately, take a third option and do neither. Settle for buying glass-blowing lessons.
- Contemplate the 300 words advice. Add in 3 cups drama from at least two different estates, 1/2 cup of Wildly Unfounded Accusations, a heaping tablespoon of Oh My God Shut The Fuck Up Before I Beat You To Death With Your Own Tongue, a half pound of I Cannot Believe I Am Thinking Of This, and 2 drops Common Sense and do nothing in the end, but feel bad about it and wonder how bad it could really be if you stirred that bitch up and put it on the cookie sheet and baked it at 350 for 40 minutes or possibly 40 years.
-Try to remember the name of that one series of books. Apparently, not The Golden Century; it is The History of the Plantagenets, by Thomas B. Costain.
- Write up the skirt, while cooking pasta, because nothin' goes together better than boiling water and computers! Add in camera (if fixed) just to add to the fun.
But first:
-Take a shower. Net result: cleaner.
-
-
- Clean apt. Find can of Raid. Kill anything that fucking moves.
-- Special emphasis: desk. File those letters, peasant! Move that giant reindeer antler, wench! (Side note: did you know that reindeer antlers are actually very large? My brother sent me one. That, combined with the deer antler that I bought in Lincoln City means that I have 2x the antlers I have ideas for.) Paint that box, serf!
- Decide on the fix to the skirt (options: open the non-seamed CB and put in a seam; open the non-seamed CB and put in a zipper and a seam. In either case, I need to open the CB and take out two inches because I MATH GUD, and re-sewing 18 buttonholes and 18 buttons is NOT AN OPTION.) Perform fix.
- Fix camera. (Actually, get Ed to fix camera. Ed Knows Cameras.)
- Put stupid content into even stupider website. Do not make voodoo dolls of anyone else involved while so doing.
- Try to remember topic for Gelato Challenge. Fail. Decide to write on another topic. Write a blog post on topic by Monday.
-
- Cut out a shirt. Actually, modify the pattern, THEN cut out the shirt. Serging would be nice. Modifying the pattern after cutting out the shirt is less optimal, but definitely an option.
- Cut out a jacket? Confuse the jacket and shirt pieces because they are both white. However, serging them means changing the thread in the serger, and that is worse than invading Poland. You change that shit RARELY.
- Make firm plans to continue life-long pattern of sewing the sleeves in backwards. Make sure to cut out what will turn out to be two left sleeves. (I use fabric that doesn't have a wrong side just so I can fuck this up easily. It's efficient!) Pretend that this time you will cut notches and NOT serge them closed. Cross your fingers while you pretend this, because that is what is going to happen, as the Mayans foretold.
-
- Get down the features that should exist in Dashboard onto paper. Aim big.
- Get caught up in a recursive evaluation of how many websites I own/want to own/can conveniently steal. Forget, again, to pay the bill on my first website because I am out of care.
-
-
- Contemplate recommended minor surgical procedure. Get totally distracted by remembering Eddie Izzard's sketch about the Heimlich Maneuver. Realise you are going to book an appointment for a maneuver, and that every day brings exciting new ways to fail.
-
- Family dinner! Remember that you meant to watch Deathly Hallows part 2 or part II or part deux or whatever the fuck it is; do this with 20 minutes to go. Remember that you can't bend time. Nor can you bend spoons. Unless it's to hit people who use the word "sammie" seriously.
- IIIIIIIT'S PHOTOSHOOT TIME! Wrangle two models, one who doesn't want to be there and one who is sulking until allowed into the shot; spend ten minutes taking many pictures and remind yourself (AGAIN) that learning how to take pictures might be a better approach than just taking a lot and hoping for the best. Remember that this picture will be so small it doesn't matter, but take the damn thing anyway.
- Debate between going to the Avengers at 10pm on a work night and going home and watching The Dark Knight: The Good Parts, By Which I Mean When Something Blows Up And Also The Bank Robbery Because Honestly, SO COOL Version. Ultimately, take a third option and do neither. Settle for buying glass-blowing lessons.
- Contemplate the 300 words advice. Add in 3 cups drama from at least two different estates, 1/2 cup of Wildly Unfounded Accusations, a heaping tablespoon of Oh My God Shut The Fuck Up Before I Beat You To Death With Your Own Tongue, a half pound of I Cannot Believe I Am Thinking Of This, and 2 drops Common Sense and do nothing in the end, but feel bad about it and wonder how bad it could really be if you stirred that bitch up and put it on the cookie sheet and baked it at 350 for 40 minutes or possibly 40 years.
-
- Write up the skirt, while cooking pasta, because nothin' goes together better than boiling water and computers! Add in camera (if fixed) just to add to the fun.
But first:
-
