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I may be reconsidering my stance on hotels. I mean, I don't stay at places that cost, like, less than $60/night if I can help it, but now I'm in a hotel at the con that I had to take at the $ridiculous group rate (still better than regular!) and I'm realising that yes, there really are some differences here.
For one thing, I could practically hold a full-on basketball game in here. I may shout just to see if it echoes.
For another, the easy chair has a footstool. I am in love! Normally you have to ignore the "easy" chair in hotel rooms (if you get one) because they suck and are pointless without a footstool. But no, I have one and it is comfy and super and I want to marry it.
Also, there are seven pillows on each bed. Fuck the basketball game, we'll have a pillow fight.
And there is an unusual knob on the bathroom wall. I guess it's a sunlamp or a sauna-effect thing, or something? At any rate, I feel vaguely guilty leaving all my stuff hanging around, even if my stuff has more class than all of New Jersey put together. So far the only negative is that the window looks out over New Jersey, which - see above about not being the most scenic place on earth, nor even the happiest. I can see the Cherry Hill Mall and Pennsylvania. I accidentally went to Pennsylvania trying to get to the hotel, and it was like a block before I realised: In PA, you can make left turns. Not that I don't love the jughandles and the U-turns, I think they're great, but I was not expecting that level of variation that fast.
Based on my brief tour, I would never fit in in Haddon's Bay, PA - I would have a flag too, but my flags would be the Palestinian flag and the Romany flag. And there would never, ever, ever be a stupid Thanksgiving flag at my house. So I would probably be shot.
I would like to live the rest of my life on Dunkin Donuts coffee (every time I go somewhere I say to myself "That's it, you're gonna go try new things and you're gonna find out what the regional things are, and this time you are not fucking around," but it always falls apart because, for example, I don't want to spend five hours fucking around looking for a shoe store, I want to go to Payless because they fit my price range and taste, which is always "the most shoes for the least cost without having to go to WalMart" and I can't walk into pretty much any shoe store in the country (except for Nordstrom's) and assume that they will have my size. And the same with eating: it sounds great to say "Ah, I'll go to the Edison Diner! New Jersey is the diner capital of the world! Or I'll go to the Menlo Park diner!" but then it comes down to it, and you're unable to straighten up, you're on about 35 hours with, basically, a nap in there, as well as flights and stress and a concert, and also, not least of all, it's midnight, so you settle for the drive-in at McDonald's and can't even figure out why what is a #10 in Seattle is a #13 here, though it might have something to do with burritos. Or you're in France, and you're afraid to walk into a restaurant because a) you will order brains, which you have no aversion to trying, but you'd like to be aware of what you've done first; b) the waiter will spit in your food because you speak no French; and c) the total bill will cost more than your entire life savings, so you live on bread and cheese from Monoprix until you get to Spain and people who love you feed you. So technically, Dunkin Donuts is not new to me, but read on outside the parens to see why I think it is!) except I can't because there are no more Dunkin Donuts within fifty miles of Seattle. I know, I looked the last time my coworkers and I were scamming all the free food we could get. It was something like free burritos at Chipotle, free lattes at Starbucks, free...something at McDonalds, and free coffee at Dunkin Donuts, all on the same day, but we have no Dunkin Donuts. This is disappointing because the coffee is awesome.
Also, I accidentally drank some New Jersey tap water this morning, so probably I'll have tumours by nightfall. Tell my mother I loved her.
For one thing, I could practically hold a full-on basketball game in here. I may shout just to see if it echoes.
For another, the easy chair has a footstool. I am in love! Normally you have to ignore the "easy" chair in hotel rooms (if you get one) because they suck and are pointless without a footstool. But no, I have one and it is comfy and super and I want to marry it.
Also, there are seven pillows on each bed. Fuck the basketball game, we'll have a pillow fight.
And there is an unusual knob on the bathroom wall. I guess it's a sunlamp or a sauna-effect thing, or something? At any rate, I feel vaguely guilty leaving all my stuff hanging around, even if my stuff has more class than all of New Jersey put together. So far the only negative is that the window looks out over New Jersey, which - see above about not being the most scenic place on earth, nor even the happiest. I can see the Cherry Hill Mall and Pennsylvania. I accidentally went to Pennsylvania trying to get to the hotel, and it was like a block before I realised: In PA, you can make left turns. Not that I don't love the jughandles and the U-turns, I think they're great, but I was not expecting that level of variation that fast.
Based on my brief tour, I would never fit in in Haddon's Bay, PA - I would have a flag too, but my flags would be the Palestinian flag and the Romany flag. And there would never, ever, ever be a stupid Thanksgiving flag at my house. So I would probably be shot.
I would like to live the rest of my life on Dunkin Donuts coffee (every time I go somewhere I say to myself "That's it, you're gonna go try new things and you're gonna find out what the regional things are, and this time you are not fucking around," but it always falls apart because, for example, I don't want to spend five hours fucking around looking for a shoe store, I want to go to Payless because they fit my price range and taste, which is always "the most shoes for the least cost without having to go to WalMart" and I can't walk into pretty much any shoe store in the country (except for Nordstrom's) and assume that they will have my size. And the same with eating: it sounds great to say "Ah, I'll go to the Edison Diner! New Jersey is the diner capital of the world! Or I'll go to the Menlo Park diner!" but then it comes down to it, and you're unable to straighten up, you're on about 35 hours with, basically, a nap in there, as well as flights and stress and a concert, and also, not least of all, it's midnight, so you settle for the drive-in at McDonald's and can't even figure out why what is a #10 in Seattle is a #13 here, though it might have something to do with burritos. Or you're in France, and you're afraid to walk into a restaurant because a) you will order brains, which you have no aversion to trying, but you'd like to be aware of what you've done first; b) the waiter will spit in your food because you speak no French; and c) the total bill will cost more than your entire life savings, so you live on bread and cheese from Monoprix until you get to Spain and people who love you feed you. So technically, Dunkin Donuts is not new to me, but read on outside the parens to see why I think it is!) except I can't because there are no more Dunkin Donuts within fifty miles of Seattle. I know, I looked the last time my coworkers and I were scamming all the free food we could get. It was something like free burritos at Chipotle, free lattes at Starbucks, free...something at McDonalds, and free coffee at Dunkin Donuts, all on the same day, but we have no Dunkin Donuts. This is disappointing because the coffee is awesome.
Also, I accidentally drank some New Jersey tap water this morning, so probably I'll have tumours by nightfall. Tell my mother I loved her.
