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I'm starting to realise why River Phoenix felt he had so much trouble after filming A Night In The Life of Jimmy Reardon, or whatever the hell it's called. He said, if I recall correctly, that for a while after, he found himself responding to things the way Jimmy Reardon would, he'd gone that far into character.
Only problem was that Jimmy Reardon wasn't a nice person.
I find myself facing the same situation.
For those that care/don't know, I'm in The Carnivorous Wardrobe, a Harry Potter online RPG, where I play far too many characters for any one human being. Right now the main story I'm in is Terry Boot's, who's gone from being a minor character set to fill out the Sortings to a character that's pulling quite a chunk of game time.
Course, I had to come up with a story. So, roughly, the story is this: Terry was the second youngest in a large Irish family that were Catholics in Belfast. His parents fight, his da drinks, cars get blown up. He goes off to Hogwarts but develops a healthy social life when he's at home. He's bisexual, but not out of the closet (the advantage to having Irish friends is that they tell you these things...) for a lot of reasons, most of them having to do with Northern society. He feels lost in his family and as a result turns to the street for friends and a place to feel safe, since he and his younger sister get most of the fighting, as they're the ones still at home.
One night, during the summer before the Trio's sixth year (so end of OotP), Terry goes to a club and runs into a former lover. (As you can see, not so concerned with realism. Or at least not MY realism). They go back to the friend's house, where Terry rapes him, then, when the guy resists, winds up beating him and ultimately strangling him. He is never taken to account for this, as he's never suspected. This spurs him to return to the streets, where he's soon involved in heroin (had fun tweaking that for magical chemistry, trust me) and prostitution, along with his two best friends/lovers, Caoilfhionn and Declan.
This continues for over a year, with Terry there at every holiday from school, every weekend he can get away, and leaving occasionally, saying that his mum's sick. (Dumbledore's a right bastard and probably promoted this) It finally ends with Caoilfhionn's death and Terry's decision to go straight as he can. Also his desire to kill Declan for causing her death.
Skip forward to seventh year now. Terry has just shagged Oliver Wood, after starting a more committed relationship with Harry (although he did at least warn him that might happen.) Terry winds up confessing that he killed his lover to Oliver when Oliver says he's going to tell McGonagall what happened, as otherwise they'll both get into quite a lot of trouble. (She's the Headmistress, as we killed Dumbledore right sharpish.)
I am now in the middle of the week in which, following this confession, Terry has taken off for Dublin and is up to his old tricks - so far heroin, drinking, and prostitution. I did not plan this storyline - this literally came about as a result of a hurried ten line conversation trying to figure out why Terry didn't want Oliver to talk to McGonagall - I was originally thinking he would be a sociopath.
So, that build up over with, the point.
This is, quite frankly, some of my finest writing ever. I fangirl it in all its angsty/horror/romance. I fangirl myself freely, I fangirl the people who've written with me, and I don't fucking care what anyone else thinks, it's damn good. (And I apologise for dragging the group, especially Jason, through the mud with me!) I have spent hours researching Dublin, male prostitution in Dublin, Irish slang, and heroin. I know I'm wildly inaccurate in a lot of places, but I'm not bothered by that.
What I AM bothered by is that I am now speaking with a heavy percentage of Irish slang words and phrases, with Terry's pronounciation of contractions, and with Terry's actions (or at least desire to perform Terry's actions).
I am also starting to think like Terry as he goes through this. I've considered myself a sociopath for a long time (It's great in casual conversation - "I came out as bisexual when I was nineteen and as a sociopath when I was twenty four") and I quite frankly do not give a damn what most people think, but you know, even I think it's a bit odd when I'm sitting on the bus, with three children under the age of 10 and their father sitting around me (unrelated to me, I hasten to add) having a nice chat with another person and I'm practically chortling with glee because I've just figured out exactly how Caoilfhionn died. Then I realise that it sort of bothers me, which is worrying until I realise that actually, what bothers me is that I think I will get comments from people telling me that I've squicked them because it is so INCREDIBLY HORRIBLE. I mean, this is a BAD death. Yurgh.
It's also NOT the sort of thing one should be able to come up with when you have a four year old humming the Superman theme for an hour. Or maybe it is, but some part of my brain thinks that it was very wrong that I came up with it then at all.
Then I realise that I'm thinking with the Terry part of my brain again. And that's at least a bit disturbing. I've joked before about having characters take over my brain, but when you're playing four characters, three canon and one OC, and they're having conversations in your head that you find yourself basing plot points off of (and indeed, entire plots), that's a little weird to me.
I'm starting to understand, at any rate, why River Phoenix was so bothered. Much as I like Terry, and much as I like what I'm doing to him, I really DON'T want to start thinking like him.
Yet I want to keep up the writing, because it is fucking brilliant work. I scared the crap out of Gwen last night - to the point that she commented it was my fault if she had nightmares. I think I've really worried Cheeky Boy with my propensity for evil angstitty angst angst angst.
I've got until Saturday, I think, or maybe Sunday, with (ideally) an RP every night and an IC post every day. And it's going to get worse. And I'm going to get more Irish the longer this goes on.
Hopefully at the end of it, I'll be standing there with a pile of writing that I can do something with and will not have had my brain taken over totally by Terry, but if I start saying that someone's on the gear or on the game or snared rapid, please worry for me.
It's half one, and I'm going to bed.
Only problem was that Jimmy Reardon wasn't a nice person.
I find myself facing the same situation.
For those that care/don't know, I'm in The Carnivorous Wardrobe, a Harry Potter online RPG, where I play far too many characters for any one human being. Right now the main story I'm in is Terry Boot's, who's gone from being a minor character set to fill out the Sortings to a character that's pulling quite a chunk of game time.
Course, I had to come up with a story. So, roughly, the story is this: Terry was the second youngest in a large Irish family that were Catholics in Belfast. His parents fight, his da drinks, cars get blown up. He goes off to Hogwarts but develops a healthy social life when he's at home. He's bisexual, but not out of the closet (the advantage to having Irish friends is that they tell you these things...) for a lot of reasons, most of them having to do with Northern society. He feels lost in his family and as a result turns to the street for friends and a place to feel safe, since he and his younger sister get most of the fighting, as they're the ones still at home.
One night, during the summer before the Trio's sixth year (so end of OotP), Terry goes to a club and runs into a former lover. (As you can see, not so concerned with realism. Or at least not MY realism). They go back to the friend's house, where Terry rapes him, then, when the guy resists, winds up beating him and ultimately strangling him. He is never taken to account for this, as he's never suspected. This spurs him to return to the streets, where he's soon involved in heroin (had fun tweaking that for magical chemistry, trust me) and prostitution, along with his two best friends/lovers, Caoilfhionn and Declan.
This continues for over a year, with Terry there at every holiday from school, every weekend he can get away, and leaving occasionally, saying that his mum's sick. (Dumbledore's a right bastard and probably promoted this) It finally ends with Caoilfhionn's death and Terry's decision to go straight as he can. Also his desire to kill Declan for causing her death.
Skip forward to seventh year now. Terry has just shagged Oliver Wood, after starting a more committed relationship with Harry (although he did at least warn him that might happen.) Terry winds up confessing that he killed his lover to Oliver when Oliver says he's going to tell McGonagall what happened, as otherwise they'll both get into quite a lot of trouble. (She's the Headmistress, as we killed Dumbledore right sharpish.)
I am now in the middle of the week in which, following this confession, Terry has taken off for Dublin and is up to his old tricks - so far heroin, drinking, and prostitution. I did not plan this storyline - this literally came about as a result of a hurried ten line conversation trying to figure out why Terry didn't want Oliver to talk to McGonagall - I was originally thinking he would be a sociopath.
So, that build up over with, the point.
This is, quite frankly, some of my finest writing ever. I fangirl it in all its angsty/horror/romance. I fangirl myself freely, I fangirl the people who've written with me, and I don't fucking care what anyone else thinks, it's damn good. (And I apologise for dragging the group, especially Jason, through the mud with me!) I have spent hours researching Dublin, male prostitution in Dublin, Irish slang, and heroin. I know I'm wildly inaccurate in a lot of places, but I'm not bothered by that.
What I AM bothered by is that I am now speaking with a heavy percentage of Irish slang words and phrases, with Terry's pronounciation of contractions, and with Terry's actions (or at least desire to perform Terry's actions).
I am also starting to think like Terry as he goes through this. I've considered myself a sociopath for a long time (It's great in casual conversation - "I came out as bisexual when I was nineteen and as a sociopath when I was twenty four") and I quite frankly do not give a damn what most people think, but you know, even I think it's a bit odd when I'm sitting on the bus, with three children under the age of 10 and their father sitting around me (unrelated to me, I hasten to add) having a nice chat with another person and I'm practically chortling with glee because I've just figured out exactly how Caoilfhionn died. Then I realise that it sort of bothers me, which is worrying until I realise that actually, what bothers me is that I think I will get comments from people telling me that I've squicked them because it is so INCREDIBLY HORRIBLE. I mean, this is a BAD death. Yurgh.
It's also NOT the sort of thing one should be able to come up with when you have a four year old humming the Superman theme for an hour. Or maybe it is, but some part of my brain thinks that it was very wrong that I came up with it then at all.
Then I realise that I'm thinking with the Terry part of my brain again. And that's at least a bit disturbing. I've joked before about having characters take over my brain, but when you're playing four characters, three canon and one OC, and they're having conversations in your head that you find yourself basing plot points off of (and indeed, entire plots), that's a little weird to me.
I'm starting to understand, at any rate, why River Phoenix was so bothered. Much as I like Terry, and much as I like what I'm doing to him, I really DON'T want to start thinking like him.
Yet I want to keep up the writing, because it is fucking brilliant work. I scared the crap out of Gwen last night - to the point that she commented it was my fault if she had nightmares. I think I've really worried Cheeky Boy with my propensity for evil angstitty angst angst angst.
I've got until Saturday, I think, or maybe Sunday, with (ideally) an RP every night and an IC post every day. And it's going to get worse. And I'm going to get more Irish the longer this goes on.
Hopefully at the end of it, I'll be standing there with a pile of writing that I can do something with and will not have had my brain taken over totally by Terry, but if I start saying that someone's on the gear or on the game or snared rapid, please worry for me.
It's half one, and I'm going to bed.
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