WUT. Your job sounds BANANAS. How is Minion in all this, I'm assuming totally unhelpful? Also, I thought that everyone in the world got to actually TAKE their vacations (unlike us Americans) so what is up with having six weeks and not being able to use it? Because let's face it - if you have to have a work phone with you, then you're not on vacation (as you realise) and they should not force you to use your vacation time to be on-call. Vacation means no work!
And this wasn't a whinge about internet friends (let's face it ... internet friends do actually have real lives!) as I'm actually not upset with anyone I know online. It's just sad to realise that the person or people you once felt inseparable from promised that they'd call you back 3 weeks (and four states) ago, or whatever, and it's hard to see that it's likely life rather than malice, but my depression/anxiety group has introduced me to cognitive behaviour therapy and mindfulness, which may actually be the best thing ever, so it's actually really an achievement that I don't go through these steps: 1) feel unlikeable; 2) feel lonely; 3) assume everyone you know hates you and has only been spending any time with you because they want something from you and now they no longer do and so you are a useless, pointless millstone that they're trying to ditch if only you'd just stop clinging; 4) destroy all about you, up to and including sowing the ground with salt.
Point 3 there is somewhat out of proportion with points 1 and 2. :)
And I've noticed that I'm not sure whether my IRL relationships (at least a couple of them) are just in a lull or whether they're truly over, but I've done the thing that I was doing before I saw it recommended by Captain Awkward yesterday (awesome blog!) where you sit down and think "I need X from Y person but Y is not capable of giving me X, and never has been, because Y's own issues with Z emotion cause Y to not hug people because Y is afraid to touch people so I can't expect hugs from Y and it's okay not to," or whatever less-weird thing you actually put in there for X, Y, and Z, and I've BEEN doing it, and I'm really feeling a lot like if I break it down to "I need A, B, and C support from person D, but D isn't capable of A, B, or C because of events 1, 2, and 3 in their life, and yet D wants A, B, and C from ME," then it's not so much that the relationship is in a lull or is retrenching or is going through a logical growth stage: it's that D is a user who will never be supportive in even the most minimal capacity that I need for my own mental health and benefit from the relationship.
If your own life is so perma-fucked that all you can do is expect support from me, then I have many and varied better things to be doing, including learning Russian so I can alphabetize my canned goods using the Cyrillic alphabet. It's not okay for me to go from points 1 and 2 to points 3 and 4 above, but it's also not okay for someone else to expect me to be a doormat for their own shit.
God, I have just turned into a therapy asshole, haven't I?
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Date: 2012-06-07 04:34 pm (UTC)And this wasn't a whinge about internet friends (let's face it ... internet friends do actually have real lives!) as I'm actually not upset with anyone I know online. It's just sad to realise that the person or people you once felt inseparable from promised that they'd call you back 3 weeks (and four states) ago, or whatever, and it's hard to see that it's likely life rather than malice, but my depression/anxiety group has introduced me to cognitive behaviour therapy and mindfulness, which may actually be the best thing ever, so it's actually really an achievement that I don't go through these steps:
1) feel unlikeable;
2) feel lonely;
3) assume everyone you know hates you and has only been spending any time with you because they want something from you and now they no longer do and so you are a useless, pointless millstone that they're trying to ditch if only you'd just stop clinging;
4) destroy all about you, up to and including sowing the ground with salt.
Point 3 there is somewhat out of proportion with points 1 and 2. :)
And I've noticed that I'm not sure whether my IRL relationships (at least a couple of them) are just in a lull or whether they're truly over, but I've done the thing that I was doing before I saw it recommended by Captain Awkward yesterday (awesome blog!) where you sit down and think "I need X from Y person but Y is not capable of giving me X, and never has been, because Y's own issues with Z emotion cause Y to not hug people because Y is afraid to touch people so I can't expect hugs from Y and it's okay not to," or whatever less-weird thing you actually put in there for X, Y, and Z, and I've BEEN doing it, and I'm really feeling a lot like if I break it down to "I need A, B, and C support from person D, but D isn't capable of A, B, or C because of events 1, 2, and 3 in their life, and yet D wants A, B, and C from ME," then it's not so much that the relationship is in a lull or is retrenching or is going through a logical growth stage: it's that D is a user who will never be supportive in even the most minimal capacity that I need for my own mental health and benefit from the relationship.
If your own life is so perma-fucked that all you can do is expect support from me, then I have many and varied better things to be doing, including learning Russian so I can alphabetize my canned goods using the Cyrillic alphabet. It's not okay for me to go from points 1 and 2 to points 3 and 4 above, but it's also not okay for someone else to expect me to be a doormat for their own shit.
God, I have just turned into a therapy asshole, haven't I?