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After yesterday's massive blowup - crying, screaming at the computer and nearly everything else, depression, and a sense of total futility at the state of my life - today is better.
I think that I have some decisions to make about my life very soon, and after I manage this trip to WI (week after next!) I'm going to have to take a hard look at it and see what I want to do. I suspect that I am going to pursue the smut-writing option (since if I can get paid for that, it'll take care of my student loans which will be a load off my back, and ten pages of smut a month is not that difficult) and then see about freeing up some money to get where I want to be.
I may show up in England and demand a marriage - be warned. I'm a bit nervous about stepping off the ends of the earth like that, but it's where I want to be, and it's time to quit whining about not having that because I don't have a job there. If I can get there, and can get a work visa (or a place that will accept me as worker without a visa, hints VERY welcome) I can go from there to a better job.
I think the problem I have right now is the loan issue. If I consolidate (in process) they should be halved; if I could get $500 for smut (I won't tell you where, since you're all perverts who will go out and write smut and compete me right out of the market) I can pay my loans at the pre-consolidation rate (and a bit over, which would be VERY nice) and get a minimum-wage job in the UK that will at least give me a place to live and some money to live with, until I can find something better.
So, my to-do list:
- Call consulate; determine what marriage laws are.
- Get WI out of the way (not an insult, merely a focus)
- Get Vancouver out of the way (ditto)
- If that's all green-lighted, start writing smut.
- Sell two pieces. (Non-smut sales are fine too, but smut seems to have the most financial reward and atm I'm all about the financial reward)
- Plan on having a piece a month, at least, to sell.
- Back to UK.
- Coerce nullstr to altar; defy all statements to the previous and get married.
- Get job - bar work would be great, or temping somewhere would be great.
- Stop kipping on floors; get shared acc somewhere in Ox, ideally.
- Get real job.
- Pay off student loans asap.
- Become famous journalist.
- Move to Iceland or Thailand or Ireland or (ideally, all three) somewhere ending in -land.
There's a slightly different version of this chart wherein somewhere between smut and altar, I shop my diss as a book proposal and hijack nullstr to Palestine for six months or so to interview/photograph/etc and produce a book. This defaults instantly to "become famous journalist", so no worries.
Then I can start thinking of getting a DPhil in either anthro, writing, or journalism and becoming a fiction author as well. I think there might be some possibility of prying a book out of me.
I just need to get a rational way of paying off my loans, because $9.00/ph is not going to cut it, and I'll be off the map if I go to England without a way to do that. Deferral is an option, but from an interest rate (and desire to be OUT FROM UNDER this monkey) standpoint, not a good one atm.
I feel like I have sorted something out at least...anyone want to read a 130 page anthropological treatise on Palestinian nationalism and identity? I need non-anthropologists to do so, since I need to know where it stops making sense. Payment could be offered.
...wow. I feel sort of better about my life and like it might actually work out. Putting that all down on paper has helped.
Wow.
I think that I have some decisions to make about my life very soon, and after I manage this trip to WI (week after next!) I'm going to have to take a hard look at it and see what I want to do. I suspect that I am going to pursue the smut-writing option (since if I can get paid for that, it'll take care of my student loans which will be a load off my back, and ten pages of smut a month is not that difficult) and then see about freeing up some money to get where I want to be.
I may show up in England and demand a marriage - be warned. I'm a bit nervous about stepping off the ends of the earth like that, but it's where I want to be, and it's time to quit whining about not having that because I don't have a job there. If I can get there, and can get a work visa (or a place that will accept me as worker without a visa, hints VERY welcome) I can go from there to a better job.
I think the problem I have right now is the loan issue. If I consolidate (in process) they should be halved; if I could get $500 for smut (I won't tell you where, since you're all perverts who will go out and write smut and compete me right out of the market) I can pay my loans at the pre-consolidation rate (and a bit over, which would be VERY nice) and get a minimum-wage job in the UK that will at least give me a place to live and some money to live with, until I can find something better.
So, my to-do list:
- Call consulate; determine what marriage laws are.
- Get WI out of the way (not an insult, merely a focus)
- Get Vancouver out of the way (ditto)
- If that's all green-lighted, start writing smut.
- Sell two pieces. (Non-smut sales are fine too, but smut seems to have the most financial reward and atm I'm all about the financial reward)
- Plan on having a piece a month, at least, to sell.
- Back to UK.
- Coerce nullstr to altar; defy all statements to the previous and get married.
- Get job - bar work would be great, or temping somewhere would be great.
- Stop kipping on floors; get shared acc somewhere in Ox, ideally.
- Get real job.
- Pay off student loans asap.
- Become famous journalist.
- Move to Iceland or Thailand or Ireland or (ideally, all three) somewhere ending in -land.
There's a slightly different version of this chart wherein somewhere between smut and altar, I shop my diss as a book proposal and hijack nullstr to Palestine for six months or so to interview/photograph/etc and produce a book. This defaults instantly to "become famous journalist", so no worries.
Then I can start thinking of getting a DPhil in either anthro, writing, or journalism and becoming a fiction author as well. I think there might be some possibility of prying a book out of me.
I just need to get a rational way of paying off my loans, because $9.00/ph is not going to cut it, and I'll be off the map if I go to England without a way to do that. Deferral is an option, but from an interest rate (and desire to be OUT FROM UNDER this monkey) standpoint, not a good one atm.
I feel like I have sorted something out at least...anyone want to read a 130 page anthropological treatise on Palestinian nationalism and identity? I need non-anthropologists to do so, since I need to know where it stops making sense. Payment could be offered.
...wow. I feel sort of better about my life and like it might actually work out. Putting that all down on paper has helped.
Wow.
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From:
no subject
From:
no subject
I would like to take a look at your anthropological research. Since you mentioned it I have taken an unexpected interest in anthropology. (might have solves my "what the hell am I going to choose at university" problem. I should really thank you for that *hugs*)
BTW, I wanted to talk to you all week, but you're never on! Any chance of chatting with you soon?
From:
no subject
I am sure that there are lots of jobs (like my babysitting and tidying job) out there.. you just have to be on time and leave the children alive. Or something. Babysitting pays anywhere between 5 and 7 quid an hour and you get free food and watch lots of TV.
I want you to come back and hang out. *whines* I miss you lots and lots, but your post was GREAT and gave me lots new hope. Lots.