After yesterday's massive blowup - crying, screaming at the computer and nearly everything else, depression, and a sense of total futility at the state of my life - today is better.
I think that I have some decisions to make about my life very soon, and after I manage this trip to WI (week after next!) I'm going to have to take a hard look at it and see what I want to do. I suspect that I am going to pursue the smut-writing option (since if I can get paid for that, it'll take care of my student loans which will be a load off my back, and ten pages of smut a month is not that difficult) and then see about freeing up some money to get where I want to be.
I may show up in England and demand a marriage - be warned. I'm a bit nervous about stepping off the ends of the earth like that, but it's where I want to be, and it's time to quit whining about not having that because I don't have a job there. If I can get there, and can get a work visa (or a place that will accept me as worker without a visa, hints VERY welcome) I can go from there to a better job.
I think the problem I have right now is the loan issue. If I consolidate (in process) they should be halved; if I could get $500 for smut (I won't tell you where, since you're all perverts who will go out and write smut and compete me right out of the market) I can pay my loans at the pre-consolidation rate (and a bit over, which would be VERY nice) and get a minimum-wage job in the UK that will at least give me a place to live and some money to live with, until I can find something better.
So, my to-do list:
- Call consulate; determine what marriage laws are.
- Get WI out of the way (not an insult, merely a focus)
- Get Vancouver out of the way (ditto)
- If that's all green-lighted, start writing smut.
- Sell two pieces. (Non-smut sales are fine too, but smut seems to have the most financial reward and atm I'm all about the financial reward)
- Plan on having a piece a month, at least, to sell.
- Back to UK.
- Coerce nullstr to altar; defy all statements to the previous and get married.
- Get job - bar work would be great, or temping somewhere would be great.
- Stop kipping on floors; get shared acc somewhere in Ox, ideally.
- Get real job.
- Pay off student loans asap.
- Become famous journalist.
- Move to Iceland or Thailand or Ireland or (ideally, all three) somewhere ending in -land.
There's a slightly different version of this chart wherein somewhere between smut and altar, I shop my diss as a book proposal and hijack nullstr to Palestine for six months or so to interview/photograph/etc and produce a book. This defaults instantly to "become famous journalist", so no worries.
Then I can start thinking of getting a DPhil in either anthro, writing, or journalism and becoming a fiction author as well. I think there might be some possibility of prying a book out of me.
I just need to get a rational way of paying off my loans, because $9.00/ph is not going to cut it, and I'll be off the map if I go to England without a way to do that. Deferral is an option, but from an interest rate (and desire to be OUT FROM UNDER this monkey) standpoint, not a good one atm.
I feel like I have sorted something out at least...anyone want to read a 130 page anthropological treatise on Palestinian nationalism and identity? I need non-anthropologists to do so, since I need to know where it stops making sense. Payment could be offered.
...wow. I feel sort of better about my life and like it might actually work out. Putting that all down on paper has helped.
Wow.
I think that I have some decisions to make about my life very soon, and after I manage this trip to WI (week after next!) I'm going to have to take a hard look at it and see what I want to do. I suspect that I am going to pursue the smut-writing option (since if I can get paid for that, it'll take care of my student loans which will be a load off my back, and ten pages of smut a month is not that difficult) and then see about freeing up some money to get where I want to be.
I may show up in England and demand a marriage - be warned. I'm a bit nervous about stepping off the ends of the earth like that, but it's where I want to be, and it's time to quit whining about not having that because I don't have a job there. If I can get there, and can get a work visa (or a place that will accept me as worker without a visa, hints VERY welcome) I can go from there to a better job.
I think the problem I have right now is the loan issue. If I consolidate (in process) they should be halved; if I could get $500 for smut (I won't tell you where, since you're all perverts who will go out and write smut and compete me right out of the market) I can pay my loans at the pre-consolidation rate (and a bit over, which would be VERY nice) and get a minimum-wage job in the UK that will at least give me a place to live and some money to live with, until I can find something better.
So, my to-do list:
- Call consulate; determine what marriage laws are.
- Get WI out of the way (not an insult, merely a focus)
- Get Vancouver out of the way (ditto)
- If that's all green-lighted, start writing smut.
- Sell two pieces. (Non-smut sales are fine too, but smut seems to have the most financial reward and atm I'm all about the financial reward)
- Plan on having a piece a month, at least, to sell.
- Back to UK.
- Coerce nullstr to altar; defy all statements to the previous and get married.
- Get job - bar work would be great, or temping somewhere would be great.
- Stop kipping on floors; get shared acc somewhere in Ox, ideally.
- Get real job.
- Pay off student loans asap.
- Become famous journalist.
- Move to Iceland or Thailand or Ireland or (ideally, all three) somewhere ending in -land.
There's a slightly different version of this chart wherein somewhere between smut and altar, I shop my diss as a book proposal and hijack nullstr to Palestine for six months or so to interview/photograph/etc and produce a book. This defaults instantly to "become famous journalist", so no worries.
Then I can start thinking of getting a DPhil in either anthro, writing, or journalism and becoming a fiction author as well. I think there might be some possibility of prying a book out of me.
I just need to get a rational way of paying off my loans, because $9.00/ph is not going to cut it, and I'll be off the map if I go to England without a way to do that. Deferral is an option, but from an interest rate (and desire to be OUT FROM UNDER this monkey) standpoint, not a good one atm.
I feel like I have sorted something out at least...anyone want to read a 130 page anthropological treatise on Palestinian nationalism and identity? I need non-anthropologists to do so, since I need to know where it stops making sense. Payment could be offered.
...wow. I feel sort of better about my life and like it might actually work out. Putting that all down on paper has helped.
Wow.