channonyarrow: (scotch cigarettes // simply_blah)
( Apr. 10th, 2004 12:20 pm)
After yesterday's massive blowup - crying, screaming at the computer and nearly everything else, depression, and a sense of total futility at the state of my life - today is better.

I think that I have some decisions to make about my life very soon, and after I manage this trip to WI (week after next!) I'm going to have to take a hard look at it and see what I want to do. I suspect that I am going to pursue the smut-writing option (since if I can get paid for that, it'll take care of my student loans which will be a load off my back, and ten pages of smut a month is not that difficult) and then see about freeing up some money to get where I want to be.

I may show up in England and demand a marriage - be warned. I'm a bit nervous about stepping off the ends of the earth like that, but it's where I want to be, and it's time to quit whining about not having that because I don't have a job there. If I can get there, and can get a work visa (or a place that will accept me as worker without a visa, hints VERY welcome) I can go from there to a better job.

I think the problem I have right now is the loan issue. If I consolidate (in process) they should be halved; if I could get $500 for smut (I won't tell you where, since you're all perverts who will go out and write smut and compete me right out of the market) I can pay my loans at the pre-consolidation rate (and a bit over, which would be VERY nice) and get a minimum-wage job in the UK that will at least give me a place to live and some money to live with, until I can find something better.

So, my to-do list:
- Call consulate; determine what marriage laws are.
- Get WI out of the way (not an insult, merely a focus)
- Get Vancouver out of the way (ditto)
- If that's all green-lighted, start writing smut.
- Sell two pieces. (Non-smut sales are fine too, but smut seems to have the most financial reward and atm I'm all about the financial reward)
- Plan on having a piece a month, at least, to sell.
- Back to UK.
- Coerce nullstr to altar; defy all statements to the previous and get married.
- Get job - bar work would be great, or temping somewhere would be great.
- Stop kipping on floors; get shared acc somewhere in Ox, ideally.
- Get real job.
- Pay off student loans asap.
- Become famous journalist.
- Move to Iceland or Thailand or Ireland or (ideally, all three) somewhere ending in -land.

There's a slightly different version of this chart wherein somewhere between smut and altar, I shop my diss as a book proposal and hijack nullstr to Palestine for six months or so to interview/photograph/etc and produce a book. This defaults instantly to "become famous journalist", so no worries.

Then I can start thinking of getting a DPhil in either anthro, writing, or journalism and becoming a fiction author as well. I think there might be some possibility of prying a book out of me.

I just need to get a rational way of paying off my loans, because $9.00/ph is not going to cut it, and I'll be off the map if I go to England without a way to do that. Deferral is an option, but from an interest rate (and desire to be OUT FROM UNDER this monkey) standpoint, not a good one atm.

I feel like I have sorted something out at least...anyone want to read a 130 page anthropological treatise on Palestinian nationalism and identity? I need non-anthropologists to do so, since I need to know where it stops making sense. Payment could be offered.

...wow. I feel sort of better about my life and like it might actually work out. Putting that all down on paper has helped.

Wow.
channonyarrow: (angry avatar)
( Apr. 10th, 2004 12:55 pm)
Have I mentioned that I'm very sensitive to smells?

I keep thinking my nose is going to start bleeding when I smell the lovely combination of something-hot-with-mushrooms-in, toner, electricity (is this ozone? it certainly smells) horrible musky perfume, and socks.

*sticks head in bouquet of lilacs*

I wish they weren't imaginary flowers.
channonyarrow: (south park freckles happy)
( Apr. 10th, 2004 01:53 pm)
I need an intervention.

Short version: I make DHL id badges for Kinko's. The badges are shoddily cobbled together lovingly crafted, to a stupidly low, easily-violated high legal standard (FAA, since these people have weapons planes), from really excellently pixelated/otherwise useless photos that are delivered via randomly aiming a bag of mail at Seattle and hoping it hits either delivery or email.

I would like everyone to tell me that it would be very, very wrong of me to make a badge using Azrael from Dogma for the photo. Very wrong indeed.
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