Open letter to my characters

Dear Harry, Snape, Terry, Ollivander, Ajeya and Goyle:

You guys are really starting to piss me off. For specific reasons.

Harry: QUIT KILLING PEOPLE. It's WRONG! You don't LIKE it! And if you do, QUIT ADMITTING IT! You'll get killed, you idiot! Bad Dark Lord in waiting! Bad!

Snape: Look, Millicent trusts you. Great. That doesn't mean you should bend over backwards for her! Marry Pansy? Why, god, why? Bad spy! Bad!

Terry: Keep your cock in your pants! Just because Luna said you could shag other people DOES NOT MEAN you may shag Firenze! He's Snape's boyfriend! Do you have a death wish? Why couldn't you get it out of your system when you were in Dublin?!? Or a vampire!?! Bad junkie whore! Bad!

Ollivander: You ARE NOT Dumbledore reborn. I KILLED HIM FOR A REASON, HOR. Quit fucking twinkling! And you're evil! So shut up! Bad evil mastermind! Bad!

Ajeya: No more guilt. You didn't kill Crabbe. Just...go shag Charlie or something. Bad guilty Auror! Bad!

Goyle: Hurry up and die! Please! Blow up Diagon! Please! Bad minion! Bad!

No love,
Cass