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Dear Braelyn Awad -
Anything you have to say in your email, ensubjected "Re: The rectum", can be said to someone else. I assure you, I know all that I want to about that subject, and am primarily concerned that it, like all other body parts, continues to function properly. I do not read Gray's Anatomy for fun, nor do I particularly have a hankering to do so.
What I find amusing, Braelyn, is that you seem to think that I have sent you an email with that subject. If I were, indeed, to do so, and given some of my subject titles for emails, that is slightly less far off than it would be if Jerry Falwell was sending email, I certainly would not send something that would seem to be sensitive information - to say nothing of a sensitive region of the anatomy - to someone I do not know.
To be honest, Braelyn, I suspect anyone with a name that is obviously of such different linguistic origins. While I am sure that somewhere in the world, a Welsh woman who takes great pride in her heritage married an Arab man who consented to give his beloved daughter a Welsh name, I am not sure that I consider you an excellent source of information on rectums. I am equally not sure that your parents are those people. It's a true shame, I know, that I feel that way. If I were the equal-opportunity person I profess to be, I would give you - and your vast wealth of rectal information - the chance you deserve.
Sadly, I am secretly a bigot.
No love,
Channonyarrow
Dear all-other-spammers,
I do realise fully that your bots crawled hg_twistedstars' journal and that was why you were sending me all those adverts for cigarettes at a ridiculously low price. Rest assured that, if hg_twistedstars was a real person, he would undoubtedly have taken advantage of every single offer that came down the pike. However, he is fictional, and I am truly sorry that he was not, therefore, able to buy all the cartons of cigarettes you were selling. Out of curiousity, did you intend to deliver, or what? I mean, did these fall of the truck, or were they totally made up?
However. I have a problem now. That problem is that I do not play a female character, and looking back over my journal, all 770+ posts of it, I have never once discussed masturbation, nor, likely, my complete lack of sex life. So I am curious indeed to know why, precisely, I am suddenly getting a metric shit-ton of spam for "The Jack Rabbit". I cannot assume that you wish to send me a bunny rabbit, since I'm pretty sure that the US Postal Service and all private carriers frown on such things, and I'm also pretty sure that my dogs would eat such a creature were I to have it. No, I assume you are speaking of what, in the interest (never previously expressed in this journal) of decency, we shall call a marital aid.
Believe me, while I would love to take the opportunity to support your undoubtedly genuine business venture, if I were to be in the market for such an item, I could buy it locally, thereby ensuring key things, like that I actually got it, and that my credit card info wasn't next used to order a yacht.
Thank you, but no.
No love,
Channonyarrow
Dear small-but-significant-minority-of-spammers-not-trying-to-sell-me-sex-toys,
If I had a hojillion dollars, rest assured I would surely place it in escrow for you so that I could reap the 300 bajillion dollars you expect to get when your father and the entire treasury of Bongobongostan are released from their unjust imprisonment.
I don't have a hojillion dollars.
I don't believe that you have a father.
I don't believe that your father is in prison.
I don't even believe that you are writing to me from this small African nation, although your written English is atrocious enough to make me believe that you are either writing to me from Bumfuck, Arkansas or else from a nation that does not believe in English.
Kindly lay the fuck off. Send your father a file in a cake. Clearly, you believe that everyone in the world is stupid enough to believe in your scam; no doubt the "guards" at that "prison" that your "father" is "residing" in are also stupid.
No love,
Channonyarrow
If I ever meet someone who believed one of those scams, I will hurt them badly.
In other information you didn't need, my computer managed to find a David Lee Roth song on the iTunes. I am scarred for life, now.
Anything you have to say in your email, ensubjected "Re: The rectum", can be said to someone else. I assure you, I know all that I want to about that subject, and am primarily concerned that it, like all other body parts, continues to function properly. I do not read Gray's Anatomy for fun, nor do I particularly have a hankering to do so.
What I find amusing, Braelyn, is that you seem to think that I have sent you an email with that subject. If I were, indeed, to do so, and given some of my subject titles for emails, that is slightly less far off than it would be if Jerry Falwell was sending email, I certainly would not send something that would seem to be sensitive information - to say nothing of a sensitive region of the anatomy - to someone I do not know.
To be honest, Braelyn, I suspect anyone with a name that is obviously of such different linguistic origins. While I am sure that somewhere in the world, a Welsh woman who takes great pride in her heritage married an Arab man who consented to give his beloved daughter a Welsh name, I am not sure that I consider you an excellent source of information on rectums. I am equally not sure that your parents are those people. It's a true shame, I know, that I feel that way. If I were the equal-opportunity person I profess to be, I would give you - and your vast wealth of rectal information - the chance you deserve.
Sadly, I am secretly a bigot.
No love,
Channonyarrow
Dear all-other-spammers,
I do realise fully that your bots crawled hg_twistedstars' journal and that was why you were sending me all those adverts for cigarettes at a ridiculously low price. Rest assured that, if hg_twistedstars was a real person, he would undoubtedly have taken advantage of every single offer that came down the pike. However, he is fictional, and I am truly sorry that he was not, therefore, able to buy all the cartons of cigarettes you were selling. Out of curiousity, did you intend to deliver, or what? I mean, did these fall of the truck, or were they totally made up?
However. I have a problem now. That problem is that I do not play a female character, and looking back over my journal, all 770+ posts of it, I have never once discussed masturbation, nor, likely, my complete lack of sex life. So I am curious indeed to know why, precisely, I am suddenly getting a metric shit-ton of spam for "The Jack Rabbit". I cannot assume that you wish to send me a bunny rabbit, since I'm pretty sure that the US Postal Service and all private carriers frown on such things, and I'm also pretty sure that my dogs would eat such a creature were I to have it. No, I assume you are speaking of what, in the interest (never previously expressed in this journal) of decency, we shall call a marital aid.
Believe me, while I would love to take the opportunity to support your undoubtedly genuine business venture, if I were to be in the market for such an item, I could buy it locally, thereby ensuring key things, like that I actually got it, and that my credit card info wasn't next used to order a yacht.
Thank you, but no.
No love,
Channonyarrow
Dear small-but-significant-minority-of-spammers-not-trying-to-sell-me-sex-toys,
If I had a hojillion dollars, rest assured I would surely place it in escrow for you so that I could reap the 300 bajillion dollars you expect to get when your father and the entire treasury of Bongobongostan are released from their unjust imprisonment.
I don't have a hojillion dollars.
I don't believe that you have a father.
I don't believe that your father is in prison.
I don't even believe that you are writing to me from this small African nation, although your written English is atrocious enough to make me believe that you are either writing to me from Bumfuck, Arkansas or else from a nation that does not believe in English.
Kindly lay the fuck off. Send your father a file in a cake. Clearly, you believe that everyone in the world is stupid enough to believe in your scam; no doubt the "guards" at that "prison" that your "father" is "residing" in are also stupid.
No love,
Channonyarrow
If I ever meet someone who believed one of those scams, I will hurt them badly.
In other information you didn't need, my computer managed to find a David Lee Roth song on the iTunes. I am scarred for life, now.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Ow!
Your icon hurts...just a little bit.
OK, I'm over it. OOOOOH SHINY! GIMMMEEEE!
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Re: Ow!
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Well, unless you can get to Hawaii or something...
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Totally, utterly pointless.
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Oh, and...
"Would the Nigerians who appear to have taken to camping on this mailing list kindly fuck off and die?"
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It is a lesser talent - making writing out of rocks! No, wait, that's fire.