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We have a new hire in my department. I need to work on:
- not calling the new guy "Fresh Meat".
- not inviting him to the Holiday Party (yeah, I don't even know) to get him drunk and ask him pointed questions about commas and whether he's a total dick.
- not making any more jokes about goldfish and cells.
- not continuing to quote Munch's comment to Bayliss about how Bayliss isn't even on Munch's radar yet and won't be for several years.
- not figuring out how to booby-trap his cube. (Side note: we have no incandescent lightbulbs here.)
- not accepting bets on how fast I can make him cry.
- not being biased just because I haven't met him yet and everyone else has.
- not talking someone else into running a book on how quickly we can drive him out.
- not saving submissions to give him with an earnest look and ask for a second pass because they're "the next big thing" when I know they suck in the hopes that he'll quit in fear.
- not continuing to assume that he has no sense of humour (but it'll make him quit faster).
- not planning to invite everyone out for drinks the next week just to drink him under the table.
- not spreading rumours about our shared alma mater.
All of this by the end of January, when he actually starts. Damn. I can haz dominance issues!
- not calling the new guy "Fresh Meat".
- not inviting him to the Holiday Party (yeah, I don't even know) to get him drunk and ask him pointed questions about commas and whether he's a total dick.
- not making any more jokes about goldfish and cells.
- not continuing to quote Munch's comment to Bayliss about how Bayliss isn't even on Munch's radar yet and won't be for several years.
- not figuring out how to booby-trap his cube. (Side note: we have no incandescent lightbulbs here.)
- not accepting bets on how fast I can make him cry.
- not being biased just because I haven't met him yet and everyone else has.
- not talking someone else into running a book on how quickly we can drive him out.
- not saving submissions to give him with an earnest look and ask for a second pass because they're "the next big thing" when I know they suck in the hopes that he'll quit in fear.
- not continuing to assume that he has no sense of humour (but it'll make him quit faster).
- not planning to invite everyone out for drinks the next week just to drink him under the table.
- not spreading rumours about our shared alma mater.
All of this by the end of January, when he actually starts. Damn. I can haz dominance issues!