I have a seriously tempting, crazy idea.

I'm thinking of joining the Tea Party. Like, all officially and shit.

You can hit your away buttons now.

See, though, the thing is this: they claim this, on their website. "Tea Party Nation welcomes all patriots, regardless of gender, ethnicity or national origin to join us and help save this great country."

We can quibble about whether this is a "great" country or one that's really, really fucked up, but the thing is - there is utterly nothing about my politics, which are, at best, liberal, that makes me not-a-patriot.

According to Merriam-Webster, patriot means "one who loves his or her country and supports its authority and interests".

The fact that I'm not waging revolution in the streets suggests that I support America's authority and its interests. I don't love this country the way I love, say, gin, but I'm pretty sure it's preferable to living in Chad. Let's face it: all those things that people currently dismiss as "first-world problems"? I have those, and I have them because I live here. And I like them. So I'm happy living here.

I'm certainly happy living here because I don't have to deal with armed insurrection in the streets. I may not like the people who choose to become police officers, but I find a police presence is better than no police presence. I respect all significant laws of the land. I, in actions if not in words, respect America's authority by allowing it to have some say in what I do as I conduct my daily business. I don't, for example, evade my taxes, and I do carry the state licence that proves I can operate a motor vehicle.

So that's the first part of their statement out of the way.

They are concerned with gender, ethnicity, and national origin next; not a problem for me, since I'm Whitey McWhiterson, born right here in the US, and they don't seem to, on the face of it, have a problem with women in the ranks. That's out of the way.

To save this great country - well, again, we can quibble about whether it's great, but on the face of it, I like living here. So I'll concede that one on the basis of the rest of the argument.

See, I think this country needs saving too.

I think it needs saving from our pollution. I think it needs saving from fiscally-irresponsible corporations. Hell, I think it needs saving from corporations period. I think it needs saving from the fear-mongers and the hate-mongers, and the people who preach something they don't believe because they get money for pandering to the fears and hates of morons who can't figure out a gimmick to make a buck when they're smacked with it. I think it needs saving from people who think that the right to bear arms means the right to bear them right into Wal-Mart. I think it needs saving from the companies and individuals that tout America First and yet manufacture and sell products made overseas, to the detriment of the American economy and the workers at the bottom of the food chain. I think it needs saving from people who don't understand that what we pay for now is what we get later, and think that it's not worth paying for the health care or the education or the feeding or the support of someone who is not-them. I think it needs saving from greed, from hate, from inattention, from me-first, from not-in-my-backyard, from a national posture of arrogance, from the belief that enough armed people can effect a change somewhere we have no business being, from our dependence on oil, from the death penalty, from the people who want other people to shut up, from your god, and from Puritanism run amok.

I think it needs, above all, to be saved from ignorance, fear, and the beliefs of childhood. Life was easier when I wasn't making the decisions, sure! That doesn't mean that the 80s were a wonder time that should be brought back.

I think, therefore, that the Tea Party had better reconsider their welcoming statement on their website and think about whether they want me in their party - because you bet your ass I wouldn't be working for their definition of what will save America. I'll be working for mine.

And I'll be doing it under their umbrella. In their names.

Why not? They're doing all kinds of shit in my name - I want my name back. I want the right to call myself a patriot back. I want people to not assume, if I call myself a patriot (I generally don't, but that's not the point) that patriot means I want to burn the niggers and the fags and the ragheads. (And the Tea Party had better not try to argue that they don't, because their actions speak otherwise.)

Most of all, I don't want to see their America. Their America is not one I know, recognise, or love, but I seem to be trapped here with a significant number of total blowhards who think they get to dictate out of their own fear and moronic idiocy what I think and do and know and care about. And that shit cannot stand.

So, since the Tea Party and I are in agreement according to their welcoming statement, I think I should join them. I want to save America too.

From: [identity profile] apiphile.livejournal.com


I think it needs saving from our pollution. [...]

WHY ARE YOU NOT A POLITICAL SPEECHWRITER WOMAN. Seriously, this is dynamite rhetoric.

From: [identity profile] channonyarrow.livejournal.com


PLAYS BETTER IN HOLLYWOOD.

Seriously, I can only hear the speech from The American President when I think about that - rhetoric doesn't "work" in politics.

Course, what do I know, we elected Obama! And he had good rhetoric!

From: [identity profile] flemco.livejournal.com


If you find out what they're taking America back from, lemme know.

From: [identity profile] channonyarrow.livejournal.com


Oh, they're not taking it back from anything. They're just, you know, generally taking it back. Generally.

It has nothing to do with the fact that Obama now has the biggest gun of all, and probably by that I mean both the one in his pants (so he can get all the white women, as all black men want to) and the one found in the Pentagon and the US military bases world wide (so now he can kick ass and take names as he redresses centuries of racism and discrimination ... with nukes).

It's just a general resurgence of patriotism.

From: [identity profile] flemco.livejournal.com


My suspicion is that they're trying to take "america" back from the fucking majority of voters, which strikes me as fairly unpatriotic.

From: [identity profile] regalpewter.livejournal.com


Actually, You should find out where they are meeting and sit down and first listen to what they really are about. Then you will find that they are calm rational folks who will discuss things with you. And you just might find that there are more points of agreement on issues as you find out that they want and appreciate the same things about this country.
Believing the spin placed on them by both sides keep our nation divided and makes us easy to control.
YIS,
WRI

From: [identity profile] flemco.livejournal.com


And the first point of order to find out: Why all these groups of white people didn't start protesting until 2009.

I've talked to Teabaggers. They come in many shapes and sizes, many walks of life. Some are hardcore Christian Conservative. Some are Libertarian. Some are Independent, and I've even met two Green Party transplants.

But all of them had the same thing in common: they did not start actively protesting until there was a black man in office.

They want to "take America back," but cannot explain what they're "taking it back" from.

Also, they wear teabags on their heads. If I was looking for a reason to consider them insane, I didn't have to be Sherlock to figure one out.

From: [identity profile] channonyarrow.livejournal.com


That, of course, is the gesture that makes the whole thing into a giant transparent lie. They didn't start protesting until there was a black man (with a Muslim name!) in office. During Bush II, and even Clinton and Bush I, they sat by and said that things were fine, because a white man was in office.

That makes me sick. Utterly, utterly sick.

From: [identity profile] channonyarrow.livejournal.com


Nope. I absolutely disagree with anyone who refuses to extend universal health care, who prevents groups of folks (gays and immigrants leap instantly to mind) from having rights, and who believe that the world was built entirely for their comfort and the increasing non-white nature of the US is cause, therefore, for fear and reactionism. And those are just some of the giant negatives I see about the group's professed ideology!

While there may be moderates there, I really don't think that an organisation so widely known to be as hateful as the Tea Party is really the place they're hiding out.

From: [identity profile] jdack.livejournal.com


Hell, I think it needs saving from corporations period.

I'm so falling in love with you.

From: [identity profile] channonyarrow.livejournal.com


I have ... a minion! Yes? Please say yes. *g* I need minions. My others have, uh, disappeared.

From: [identity profile] jdack.livejournal.com


You're the third woman online in as many months to request my services as minion. This is puzzling.

Am I sycophantic??

;)

I've officially been head-minion for [livejournal.com profile] badbookworm for some time now but she might allow me weekends off to be your Enforcer part time.

From: [identity profile] channonyarrow.livejournal.com


No, you just sound like an awesome minion. Well, an awesome person, who would be an entertaining minion. I'm looking for a group of three people, one of whom carries a box, one of whom carries a knife, and one who says "Channonyarrow doesn't like your work. You're going to have to leave your hands in this box." Any of those interesting?

We'll have to work out a schedule. Should we route in your other interested person? :)

From: [identity profile] jdack.livejournal.com


*turns all sorts of blushy* ;)

Sounds good. My current Liege is in England planning her wedding so, she's probably booked up for the time being.

Do I get a uniform?

From: [identity profile] mcmayhem.livejournal.com


I fully support this. I'd be really interested in seeing what it's like on the inside. And since, as you point out, their mission statement hardly excludes you, I see no reason why you'd be turned down. There's no cohesion in their political stance anyway, so why not throw a way-leftie in the mix and see where it gets them?

From: [identity profile] channonyarrow.livejournal.com


I actually am kind of interested. I think, intellectually, that it would be basically a pit of evil vipers to actually be on the inside, and I have no idea how long I could take it for (current guess: 2 minutes) without killing someone for gross stupidity, but on the other hand, liberals and real Republicans are just acting, by and large, like the Tea Party is this weirdo group that we should ignore at best and make fun of at worst.

And I think that ignoring something like this might not be the best plan. Making fun of it is definitely not the best plan.

From: [identity profile] channonyarrow.livejournal.com


The more I think about it, the more I think I'm gonna do it after the quarter's out. I might vomit instantly, but I can at least try, right? :)
.

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